As I sit here....

...and contemplate what I should write, the joys of motherhood are overheard in the background. AKA screaming, fighting children. It's a never ending battle. I have gone almost two months without an update because frankly, life is just not exciting enough. And when it is exciting, it's too busy to stop and document it. We have had a whirlwind of a year so far. I was hoping the new year would bring much needed relief from the crazy 2011 but it was not meant to be. Sickness started us off into the path of what our year will potentially look like. I think Amber missed most of school in January as a result. So many things have gone by the wayside, including this blog. I started a second route, mostly as a reason to exercise but to also have a little extra money. So not only do I split that route into two days because of the size, I also help my kids with theirs. I have neglected a few websites I was working on and feel terrible because there is much left to do. We went away for the long weekend to get a break from Edmonton. We had a great time but coming back is always so depressing. We have struggled A LOT in the past few years of being here. We struggle with our living arrangements, our ward, obligations, callings, health, etc. Although I am sure many families do not own or even rent a house, I still feel out of place. I have a very strong testimony yet struggle with feeling accepted in my own ward. I feel I am being torn from every angle possible, trying to keep my family and personal life together. My job is not very glamorous and sometimes wish I could walk away from it. I am hoping to do that soon, but after the school year ends. My mental health has been waning. It began before Christmas, but I opted to switch medication after our trip incase of any rotten side effects. I switched a few weeks ago and no anxiety so far. Just some bad headaches but I can deal with that. I know in time they will go away. I am not afraid to admit to my mental health problems but I sure wish at times I didn't have to deal with it. It has really made everyday tasks a struggle. I have great weeks where I can get everything done then I have weeks that just the thought of doing things is overwhelming. Even with medication I don't know if I will ever function "normal". My normal has always been kind of skewed. As a teenager, I thought it was normal to have such rage, anxiety and depression over things because I was hormonal. What teenager isn't right? It took me a while to figure out that those feeling were not normal. Well at least not to the degree I displayed them. I know we all have challenges and struggles in life and this one is mine. I try to own it so it doesn't own me. I think I will go buy some Cadbury popping mini eggs and sulk....mmmmmmm, popalicious.